Finding the A/R/Tograhper: The Journey Begins by Turning on the Light

This morning, I woke up dreaming of Florence Nightingale holding the above-pictured lamp. Oddly enough, Florence morphs into Jesus holding a lamp that’s actually more like an upside-down chandelier. It was in that moment, I could see back through the years all the people I’d cared for and worried about. They may never know how they inspired my research, publications, and presentations.

Next, I was carried back to a day I cannot share. That night, I didn’t sleep much (if at all) because the fear and pain I thought I’d escaped had found me once again. I didn’t think to ask G-d – Why?

Seven days later, I am listening to a person on YouTube. I said, “G-d, I have no clue what he’s talking about!” Then, oddly enough this person says, “If you don’t know what I’m talking about go to Joyce Roys.” That might not be verbatim, but close enough. I wish he had provided the spelling of Roys’s last name because it took me a long time to figure it out. In addition, I don’t think I found the video I was supposed to watch. But I found the video I was supposed to watch.

My eyes were wide open when I saw Roys’s post on YouTube “Diane Langberg: Where is God when there is abuse?”

For those of you that don’t know, intimate partner violence is one area I research and write about. In the depths of darkness, I have cared for, seen, and felt the scars of abuse. If I could revise the picture associated with my first educational publication, there would have been no light in that corner. (Update, the online version has a different picture with the person now walking toward the light. All of a sudden, I see the impact of abuse in a whole new way. I also see the promise of walking toward the light and out of the dark corner.)

As the revised picture fades, I visualize Jesus on the cross. To be honest, that seems to be a recurring theme. When I ask G-d – Why? My usual response is, “I don’t understand?”

Back to the present, I feel led to watch Diane Langberg’s video again. There it was at 5-minutes and 38-seconds, “I was quitting . . . I’d had enough. . . I told Him I didn’t want to do it anymore . . . I told Him I didn’t understand Him . . . !”

Me: Okay G-d, you’ve answered question number two in yesterday’s blog that I deleted asking:

“Why have I seemingly walked away from nursing?”

[I hit the play button] Dr. Langberg proceeds to tell me about Isaiah 45:2-3,

I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sun-der the the jars of iron: And I will give thee the treasure of dark-ness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the LORD, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel. (KJV)

In my summation of Dr. Langberg’s lecture, we are never alone. G-d goes before us. Langberg suggest, it is Jesus on the cross, He feels our pain and cleanses us from our sins. (Yes, that means people who have been abused and people who have abused. Remember, people who have abused can change too!)

Me [humming an unknown song]: “So G-d, What’s with the upside-down chandelier?” . . . And what am I humming?

I heard only four words in a song I had never heard before. So, I typed in the words and found . . . Brother Jason Walker singing, “Show me the way.”

Florence Nightingale (1969/1860) said,

It is a curious thing to observe how almost all patients lie with their faces turned to the light, exactly as plants make their way towards the light; a patient will even complain that it gives [them] pain “lying on that side.” “Then why do you lie on that side?” [They do] not know, – but we do. (p. 87)

Reflecting on the evidence

1. Analyze the light.

References

Appell, V.S. (2023). Why do some Jews write “G-d” instead of “God”? ReformJudaism.org. https://reformjudaism.org/learning/answers-jewish-questions/why-do-some-jews-write-g-d-instead-god

Humble is Da Way. (2016, February 16). Jason Walker Show Me the Way. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HaekkexNXfw

King James Bible. (2022). Blue Letter Bible Online. https://www.blueletterbible.org

Roys, J. (2022, June 28). Diane Langberg: Where is God When There’s Abuse? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T1FyhUCjnxE

Nightingale, F. (1969). Notes on Nursing What it is, and What it is Not. Dover Publishing. (Original publication 1860)

Schwartz, M.R. (2007). When closeness breeds cruelty: Helping victims of intimate partner violence. American Nurse Today, 2(6), 42-47. https://www.myamericannurse.com/when-closeness-breeds-cruelty-helping-victims-of-intimate-partner-violence/

Additional work and presentations related to violence:

Beck, M.S. & King, C.A. (in Press). Violence. In D.L Lowdermilk., E. Perry., K. Cashion, K.R. Alden, & E.F. Olshansky (Eds.) Maternity & Women’s Health Care (12th ed., pp. 81-99). Elsevier.

Beck, M.S., King, C.A., & Skipper, M. (2020). Violence in women. In D.L Lowdermilk., E. Perry., K. Cashion, K.R. Alden, & E.F. Olshansky (Eds.) Maternity & Women’s Health Care (13th ed.). Elsevier.

Hall, S., & Beck, M.S. (2021). Teaching intimate partner violence education: A quasi-experimental study exploring gaming and storytelling. Nursing Education Perspectives. Advance Online Publication. https://doi.org/10.1097/CIN.0000000000000667

Hall, S., & Beck, M.S. (2017, November). Examining the use of storytelling versus simulation board game with nursing students toward improving intimate partner violence (IPV) education: A pilot study. [Poster]. Sigma Theta Tau 44th Biennial Convention, Indianapolis, IN, United States.

Schwartz, M.R. (Producer & Writer) & Schwartz, A.R. (Director). (2012, September). Remembering Mary. East Carolina University. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qEqbXN1iNs

Special Thanks

Rebecca Niles, PhD, RN, CNE reviewer and editor for Finding the A/R/Tographer: The journey begins by turning on the light.